June 20, 2012

To the guy at the coffee shop who is here every day:

Stop it.  Stop being here.  Every day.  You can’t just take up residence, occupying a table all day, every day.  You’re starting to bother people, I can see it.  They’re all being polite, but I can see how uncomfortable they are.  The way they quickly acknowledge you, then nosedive back into books and laptops.  How they strap on headphones, and cellphones, and sometimes even sunglasses.  How many other ways can they block you out?

Yes, we heard your socially awkward quip when the barista dropped something.  Did you hear my response?  No, no one’s going to laugh.

There are some simple rules to this space, namely: we are all here to be  anonymous.  Sanitized.  Separate.  Individually wrapped people, freeze dried and kept fresh.  No intermingling, no contamination.

So listen, guy who is always here.  I just want you to know I’m watching you.  Look up.  Loooook up.  Come on, look up.  There!, you saw me.  Yeah, you saw me, and I’m not going to look away.  That’s right, guy.  I’m here, every day, and I’ve got my eyes on you.

And while everyone else in here will most likely keep on pretending they aren’t affected by you and your predation, I won’t.

I’m here, guy, and I don’t plan on leaving.


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